Planning a Brokeback Mountain Weekend

February 14, 2021 § 1 Comment

When non-camping friends I have ask me just how do these weekend trips get planned, it’s hard to really comprehend all the negotiations that occur to determine a weekend, then to determine where we go, and finally to determine what we will do, besides build a big fire, consume the hauled-in assortment of quality craft beers, cook and share the equally well thought out food stuffs and smoke the many fine cigars and cigarette tobaccos. What is going to be posted here, for all to read, is some, maybe all the correspondence that flies around that great echo chamber known as The Internet as we work these details out.

To protect the innocent, I will write the rest of this in the same script manner as Quentin Tarantino did with Reservoir Dogs, except instead of colors, let’s try instead dog breeds, and we will shorten some of the longer breed names so that it doesn’t get monotonous.

It all begins with … Well, sometimes it begins with a phone conversation between Mr. Pointer and Mr. Maltese where say, Mr. Pointer will ring up Mr. Maltese some time in early October and …

Mr. Pointer: Hey, you know, it’s getting to be about that time we need to start that e-mail orgy that we call trip planning.

Mr. Maltese: Yeah.

Mr. Pointer: And you now how long it takes to get these things decided, so we better get started. It could be another 100 e-mail extravaganza before we even pick a date.

Mr. Maltese: Yeah.

Mr. Pointer: And this whole Covid Surge thing too. Maaan, that will throw a wrench into the whole process, but we should be able to make things happen and be safe. You know, like we did in June when it was just five of us. I think we did alright.

Mr. Maltese: Yeah.

Mr. Pointer: Have to see what kind of interest we can garner, and how big of a group we should invite. Of course, you know how it is …

Mr. Maltese: Yeah.

Mr. Pointer: a lot of people will commit, and then change their minds. Some will be committed until the last minute, and then un-commit. Some, unless the weather is perfect and the nearest raindrop is 1000 miles away, won’t even consider coming out.

Mr. Maltese: Yeah.

Mr. Pointer: Well, I just wanted to get your thoughts on the whole thing. You have really helped me again decide what we have to do. Thanks! Look for the e-mail. See ya. Bye

Mr. Maltese: Bye.

And that is how it all gets started. Then at some point that first email floats to the top of the “Primary” tab in GMail, and if there exists the same concept in other e-mail viewers, I know not, but in mine, they always go to “Primary”, and then the fun begins.

Mr. Pointer: Now that Mr. Maltese and Mr. Greyhound are wasted from their MA AT Crusher, time to start thinking about a fall trip for us lighter weight folks.  Below I have suggested 3 November weekends and the first weekend in December.  My personal  preference is the first one  in November due to length of day and temps, but I remain flexible.  Please fill  out the dates with 1 being your top choice, 2 next and so forth.  We’ll see how the numbers add up. I  probably missed someone so let me know!  Now  if everyone can go we will  need a damn big campsite or two or three!

Nov. 6-8Nov. 13-15Nov. 20-22Dec. 4-6
Mr. Pointer1234
Mr. Maltese
Mr. Bichon
Mr. Collie
Mr. Jack Russell
Mr. Shepherd
Mr. Chihuahua
Mr. Mastif
Mr. Greyhound
Mr. Lab
Mr. Bernard
Mr. Schnauzer
Mr. Retriever
Mr. Shar Pei
Mr. Terrier
Mr. Shiba

Mr. Retriever: Nov 6-8 #2, Dec 4-6 #1, Nov 13-15 #0 not available Opening day of Deer season, Nov 20-22 #0, First weekend after opening day of Deer season. For Me, Halloween weekend is best.  Oct 30 – Nov 1. I couldn’t mark and resend.  Where do you want to go?

Mr. Collie: At this point, I’m on board any weekend, the sooner the better.

Mr. Shiba: What Mr. Collie said, I’m available any of the listed dates, preferably Nov but flexible into Dec

Mr. Bichon: I might be able to make it if the trip is later, so the Dec. weekend would be best for me.

Mr. Maltese: As I told Mr. Pointer, I am not yet sure what kind of weekend time I am going to have going forward. I forced the square peg of a week on the AT into the round hole of my life right now. Between my Dad needing some kind of a solution to his issues, and promises made to visit my Mom, as well as Daughter #2 scheduling something early in November, and whether I am moving or not are all coming to a head soon. We put an offer on a beach house, but ours is not the highest, though it might be the best, however the sellers may not realize that yet. For now, that deal is gone. But my landlady approached me about buying the place I am in which might be nice, except my two neighbors on one side just put out their “We are White Trash Trump Signs”. Most of the others in this complex seem pretty healthy, so I could overlook the black hearted ones.
Anyway, with all that said, I favor Mr. Bichon.

Mr. Schnauzer: (Directed at Mr. Bichon) Sheeeiiit! You get airport concierge service.

Mr. Lab: I just returned from Pittsburgh for 3 weeks to GC my mother in laws bathroom. My “get out of Phoenix card” has been revoked until I spend some more time at home. I have to go out to Pittsburgh and DC from 9-Nov to 17-November to pick up my mom and dad…..I’m already booked that weekend. So, however unlikely, I would say my only chance is in December. But even that is less probable than Mr. Maltese using the word pussy or fuck in his next response.

Mr. Maltese: (Referencing something else entirely but related to Mr. Shepherd) You may not have fucking noticed that I verbified “Mr. Pointer” as in “I Mr. Pointer’d him” which is to say I called so called person out as a pussy.

Mr. Schnauzer: Dec dates are good for especially if we can coax Mr. Bichon to come East. Other dates work as well. Where to?

Mr. Terrier: I am also in and flexible on dates… but  sooner is better…winter is coming! Mr. Bichon. What’s your story? Where?  Well after falling of a cliff in Coal Run in August, I would be up for an easy trek.
Mr Pointer, Mr Maltese, Mr. Greyhound, Mr Schnauzer and I were at Dolly Sods in May and found and an amazing huge wetland. We can go back there look for my lost iPhone…
And we can sit on that awesome rock outcropping with a pull and a cigar and just take in the view.

Mr. Bernard: I’ll be headed to Southern Colorado friday. Coming back Nov1. Trekking in the Rockies for a sighting of those elusive elk😃👍Give me a bit more than a week to recoup.

Mr. Maltese: (To Mr. Bernard) Are you photographing them?

Mr. Mastif: Any dates look good to me. Get me out of my dungeon.

Mr. Bernard: Absolutely! If i get the chance— i “shot” a black bear last year at 12,000 feet- with my iphone


Mr. Pointer: Kinda looks like first weekend in December might be it. Mr. Bichon, you committing?

Mr. Bichon: Yeah, I think I can commit assuming nothing catastrophic (like with the virus shit) happens in the interim.

Mr. Maltese: I am willing to commit as well. Only snow is allowed this year.

Mr. Shepherd: I’m in for Dec. I’ll Try to wait patiently for the details.

Mr. Greyhound: I say Prince is in it to win it as well! 

Mr. Pointer: We are going to need a monster site for multiple individual sleeping tents!  Start thinking about where that could be that is not 4 Hours from NoVA!

Mr. Retriever: I am in. I will block out the time. I could do Thursday thru Sunday if interested.

Mr. Chihuahua: Fedex Field parking lot.

Mr. Collie: I like Mr. Chihuahua’s idea, but as an alternative, the Rohrbaugh Plains in Dolly Sods that Mr. Terrier mentioned has plenty of tent and hammock space.

Mr. Mastif: Maybe we all get tested a few days before so we can be less concerned.

Mr. Schnauzer: I always like Rohrbaugh Plains. It has it all. That we can still find new and freaking beautiful sights in such a familiar place adds to the lure. In December it might even have snow and sub zero temps. Anywhere we go that time of year will need to have ample firewood available. Happy to consider destinations less far for the NJ crew as well. If it’s the Sods we will want to watch the weather, it is possible to get snowed in. Unlikely, but still possible. It would be tragic to have to spend a couple extra days up there, especially since there is no way we have the self control to ration the libations…

Mr. Maltese: The last place we went when we had such a large group was up the AT in Md when we did that campsite just beyond all the rocky outposts. A closer drive for us nj folks and as I recall a fair number of sites to pitch tents. A whole fucking Boy Scout troop camped in the same place, so we should be able to take that over. I like RP, and I would drive there again. I feel like Mr. Lab earned some Mr. Lab time by gc’ing his mother-in-law’s work. We should pressure that fucking pussy to show. To use fuck and pussy in a single reference was a goal. Achieved twice in one message. Score!!!!

Mr. Schnauzer: That was Annapolis Rocks. Spots were spread out. Old ladies wanted to look under your kilt.

Mr. Lab: I am definitely coming. The thought of snow, libations and a big ol’ cuddle fest is too much to pass up… Travel is always a hurdle but count me in as a fuckin pussy with a bottle of hooch. The boy scout spot (Annapolis Rocks) was very attractive as is the Rohrbaugh Plains-rhodo-hiking stick eating area… I will toss out one more idea that others may/do know more about….. North or South from Snickers Gap. North is Ravens Rocks and South is a shelter about 4 miles in. Mr. Jack Russel or Mr. Shepherd could tell us if the place has ample tent areas.

Mr. Schnauzer: Makes me really happy. Anywhere we land. A bid ole drunken cuddle fest.

Mr. Shepherd: I think you are thinking of the Sam Moore shelter.  It’s about 3 miles from my house or 7 ish miles from bears den parking lot. I’m not sure how big it is .  I could hike out to it and report back.   There really is not much out there fir a day hike on Saturday. Ravens rock is large but not close to any water.  It has a nice view.  Again not much for a day hike on Saturday.

Mr. Retriever: I am always up for the Dolly Sods area. I will look for some other places too. 

Mr. Greyhound: Whenever you get a chance please see this video. He is a tremendous ultra runner and hiker. He attempts to break Scott Jurek unsupported and then…!

I am planning to hire him next year to help me train for a 100 miler. It’s going to cost me $150 a month which is not too bad.

Mr. Retriever: Mr. Mastif, I will get tested.  The American Red Cross does antibody testing when you give blood.  I can give blood and get the test too.

Mr. Collie: Excellent idea, Mr Retriever. I will do the same. And I would encourage others as well…give blood and get tested. A win, win.

Mr. Pointer: Duncan Knob/Hollow, Strickler Knob – big field with plenty of campsites as I recall from many moons ago.  Relatively close as well for those long distance travelers.  Or this one.  Many options.  If there is early snow in WV the road to the sods could be closed.

Mr. Schnauzer: Wasn’t White Rock Cliff where we camped at the Hunters Camp and Mr. Bichon hiked in with stocking feet and sandals because he brought one of his boots and one of Lark’s by mistake?
And was Duncan Knob where Mr. Bernard wore his cardboard DNR sign around his neck and we built the Tiki Bar? Ah, good times, good times.

Mr. Collie: Good memory, Mr. Schnauzer. Mr. Bichon was fine hiking in socks and sandals until we hit snow at higher elevations. I believe I sold him my GoreTex socks for a good price that trip. And Duncan Knob was the scene of the infamous Tiki Bar:

Mr. Maltese: Oskar Brewing seemed to be well represented on that trip and I haven’t seen a Youngs on a trip in quite some time. That used to be the creamy in ur jeansie goto pounder.

Mr. Schnauzer: A classic pic from a classic trip. Fortunately we did not have to respect the DNR.

Mr. Bichon: Brings to mind another footwear-related mishap from yesteryear, like this one from Nov. 2005 which some of you (Mr. Pointer, Mr. Collie and Mr. Samoyed) may recall.  Can’t recall the area we hiked, though the second pic may lend a clue……….

Mr. Maltese: Hooooooooolisheiiiiit you can tell that picture is a long time ago. Look how young Mr. Bichon looks!

Mr. Maltese: Also, judging by the looks of the boots in the middle picture, the boots in the third picture must be your boots, as I think is verified in the 1st picture where said boots appear to be on your feet.

Mr. Bichon: You are correct, sir………my earlier attempts at repair, through the use of duct tape, were hopelessly futile.

Mr. Collie: Greg – The yawning boots happened at Cranberry.

Mr. Pointer: All, check out Mill Mountain loop which includes big OR little Schloss. Should be enough parking for multiple vehicles. Head up Stoney Run to camp. Long day hike to either schloss. And not too far travel for our serious travelers.

Mr. Terrier: Has anyone hiked Ohiopyle?

Mr. Retriever: Pointer, Schnauzer, Maltese, All, Let’s make a command decision on where to go camping.  My vote is for Rohrbaugh Plains, WV for the views and ease of access.  Let’s also pick an alternate location if there is snow and the road is closed to Rohrbaugh Plains. I spoke with Mr. Bichon and he is planning on coming out for the trip.  He is not sure if he is flying into Richmond, or DC.  Cheap bastard.  My plan is to go up on Thursday, secure the good camp site and chill for the crowd to arrive on Friday.  Anyone that wants to join me Thursday is welcome. What say ye?]

Mr. Pointer: We will need more horsepower. All, visit Hiking Upward, Little Schloss as that seems to ample parking and camping along Stoney Run. Never been to the little brother of Big Schloss!

Mr. Lab: I just got off the phone with my BIL.. My favorite BIL. I am planning on flying in on Thursday. Probably to Philly or BWI where Eric will graciously pick me up and we will be heading towards whatever campsite location Terry has secured. I doubt we will go in Thursday evening as it will be late and, well, I’m a pussy and hate the boogie man. What that means, though, is that we will be staying at a cheap motel near a great brewery in TBC on Thursday night and heading in on Friday morn. My return will be mid afternoon on Sunday (I hope) so we might need to get and go on Sunday morn before the priest/rabbi/alterboys show up to absolve us of all our sins.

Mr. Maltese: Just talked to Mr. Mastif, and he is in as well, and WE will drive to pick up Mr. Lab on Thursday, and do all of the stuff Mr. Lab and I were going to couple at, and instead we will threesome it.

Mr. Schnauzer: (Voice of Reason) Anyone else feeling a bit apprehensive about this large a group given the current surge??

Mr. Mastif: A little. I think we should all get tested a couple days before.

Mr. Maltese: Besides getting tested before, I think we can expand upon what we did last June:

  1. No one drinks from an opened can directly. Always pour into your cup.
  2. Same applies to stronger stuff
  3. No food sharing per-se, but no eating food off anyone else’s plate, and no “Open your Fucking Hole Mr. Chihuahua” moments where we stuff food into other peoples mouths using our own utensils.
  4. Everyone sleeps in their own tent
  5. No sharing of water bottles, or keep the one you drink from close, and the ones we boil water from separate
  6. No sharing of snacks unless snacks are always poured out of a container that never had someone’s hand in it.
  7. No Fellatio
  8. No Circle Jerking
  9. No patty pounders
  10. No Iron Sausages
  11. No Ring Jobs
  12. No exchange of bodily fluids
  13. No foot massages
  14. No acting of foot fetishes
  15. No dead skin peeling
  16. feel free to expand.

Of course the big one is, while WE could maintain 6 feet around the fire, we won’t be able to do that, and that may be okay as long as we aren’t in the presence of mucus and spray generation. We could wear masks around the fire when we aren’t eating or drinking, oh, wait a second, that would be never.

Mr. Shepherd: I feel comfortable going.  I have been in a small bubble for quite some time.  The wife and I are self quarantine from now until thanksgiving per her parents request.  We are heading up to see them TG day then back home. I’ll be glad to continue staying at home until the weekend camping trip.

Mr. Collie: 17. No passing cigars or joints. 18. No farting in anyone’s general direction.

Mr. Pointer: Freakin hilarious!

Mr. Bichon: I’d still like to come, but I need to give it some more consideration………….even if I were to get tested just before leaving (from the west coast), there is the possibility that I could contract it enroute and then infect some of you mo’fo’s.  Plus, I was hoping to see (and possibly stay with) some other friends and family while out there and I’m not sure that’s a great idea given the current ‘surge’.  Again, need to mull it over further before making a decision.

Mr. Lab: I’m planning on peeing on Mr. Maltese’s leg. That isn’t verboten. I’m gonna have to stifle any foot fetish or fellatio inclinations I have but I’ll strive to be strong.

Mr. Retriever: Mr. Maltese, CAN WE talk about pussy?

We can also talk about:

  • Fellatio
  • Circle Jerks
  • Patty Pounding
  • Stroking the shaft
  • Meatball Grinding
  • Making way for the Iron Sausage
  • Rim Jobs
  • Ring Jobs
  • Taint Licking
  • Foot Fetishes
  • Dead Skin
  • Toenail collections
  • Titty Twisting
  • Gerbiling
  • Moling
  • Rooster Cogburning
  • Coyote Taint
  • Good Perineal Hygiene
  • Wet Dreams
  • Morning Wood
  • Letting go
  • Giving it a go
  • a small tug
  • Do farts smell good or bad

Anything you want Mr. Retriever.

Mr. Pointer: Wow!  Simply……wow. Or maybe holy shit.

Something that doesn’t get captured when composing a story for a post is how much time elapses. Here it is now, Valentine’s Day, some 2 months after we backpacked, and more than a month since I started composing this, and until today it remained unfinished. I think I tired of the content, but I don’t really want to lose it, so let’s wrap it up, so I can proceed onto the next item.

I believe the general idea of how a weekend in the woods gets planned out is evidently clear. We utter a lot of nonsense until we agree on a weekend, and then, usually rain or shine, we go. If it rains, or there is a chance of rain, we pack tarps to string up, and we still go. I would say, that as long as there is some hope that the storm will merely pass through, or perhaps, come in late and be gone by morning, we will be a go. If the forecast was for a solid Friday to Sunday of rain, I think we would audible and cancel, but that has never happened yet.

So, first weekend in December it would be. I tired before the e-mails got down to selecting a “Where?”, so I will cut to the chase and tell you that we selected Little Stone Coal Creek in the GW National Forest in Western Virginia just West of Woodstock. An hour for some of the folks, a couple for others, and a little over 4.5 hours for me and Andy. We agreed to a short hike in along the creek, and then we would day hike to Little Schloss, a smaller, lower rock outcropping on a ridge east of the border ridge containing it’s larger co-schloss companion Big Schloss.

Let the preparations begin.

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